All That Ever Could Have Been
by Cloud-Dee
Summary: It didn't have to be like this. We're in the Crystal Cave. Crystals don't just show the future Morgana. They show all that is. All that was. All that ever could have been. For once in your life look. Really look. Look at what you lost.
1. All That Ever Could Have Been

**All That Ever Could Have Been**

The steady drip of water and their heavy breathing is the only noise in the otherwise silence of the cave. The magic that lives in here is alive in them right now and to break the silence would be to break some kind of spell that seem to hold them in this moment. The crystals that surround them gleam in the dim light from the entrance, promising a thousand secrets in one single look.

But neither of them spare the crystals a glance for their eyes are focused only on each other. Blue on green, filled with all the hate and love and pain and betrayal that the other deserves and more. One has the other pressed against the wall of the cavern, a dagger pressed against the soft skin of his throat, drawing a thin line of red where the blade meets the skin. Her knuckles are white on the dagger and her breathing ragged as she prepares for what she knows she has to do. What she has been waiting to do for so long. What she wants to do with a sick, twisted kind of pleasure. And buried deep in her heart what she also dreads to do because she knows when she does it that it will be the end. She will never see the warm smile and the joyous laugh ever again.

She presses the knife even closer to the skin, preparing herself, when he speaks. A quiet whisper that echoes throughout the cavern like the voice of a ghost.

"Is this really what you want Morgana?"

And her breath catches in her throat because she doesn't know and she has to do it now before she hesitates again.

"I always said it didn't have to be this way Morgana. You could have been so amazing. So good. So loved. But instead you choose this. A life of loneliness and hate, bitter and twisted by revenge. Is this really what you want?"

"All I want is to see you dead, and Arthur kneeling at my feet. All I want is Camelot destroyed and me to take my rightful place as ruler of the kingdom. I didn't choose this path it was chosen for me."

She hisses into his ear, knowing the words are causing him more pain than he will ever show.

"It didn't have to be like this. I know. Maybe you know too. We're in the crystal cave Morgana. If you can't see the truth here you never will."

"The truth of what?" She's scared, knowing he is gaining the upper hand. Distracting her from her ultimate goal.

"The Crystals don't just show the future Morgana. They show all that is. All that was. All that ever could have been. For once in your life, look. Really look. Look at what you lost."

And though all her instincts are screaming at her not to, she turns her gaze away from him and looks deep into the timeless depths of the crystals. And suddenly she is no longer in the cave but in the grand halls of Camelot. And instead of her ragged black dress she is wearing a gown of the deepest blue silk, jewels at her throat and laced through her hair, which is no longer dirty and matted but clean and glossy. Flowing down her back like a waterfall of black velvet. And she's not alone. Arthur stands at her side, dressed like the king he is and he's smiling. Smiling at her.

And the great stone doors open before her and she can see she is standing in the entrance to the Great Hall, and the court is assembled in front of her dressed in their ceremonial robes. The hall is breath taking in its beauty, decorated in gold and red drapes and mounds of flowers, in all the colours imaginable. Before she knows it she is gliding up the aisle and all heads turn towards her and bow, but she doesn't notice because she has eyes only for the man at the front of the room gazing at her with love in his eyes.

At the head of the room sits Guinevere, a crown glittering upon her head. She is sitting in the throne Morgana always claims to be her own but she finds she doesn't care. Because for the first time for many years she is truly happy.

She stops at the end of the aisle and kneels before the man in front of her a smile dancing on her lips. Arthur, who has walked the aisle with her, steps up to stand beside his best friend. He smiles at Morgana, then turns and sits in the throne next to Guinevere who is beaming at Morgana like all her dreams have come true.

But Morgana has eyes only for the man who she is kneeling before. He is dressed more regally than she has ever seen him and a thin band of silver sits on top of his raven dark hair. But his smile and his eyes are still like she always remembered them, except this time they are full of love. For her. And then he opens his mouth to speak and the words are the sweetest things she could have ever wished to hear.

"I, Merlin Emrys, High Court Sorcerer of Camelot and Advisor to King Arthur Pendragon, hereby pronounce you, Morgana Pendragon to be High Court Sorceress, and my lawfully wedded wife, forever and always till death do us part."

And he reaches over and lifts the delicate crown resting on the velvet cushion next to him, handling it like it is a precious shard of glass. The crown is similar to the band of silver he wears on his own head, except it is made of finer silver threads, twisted into the shape of stars. And as it is placed on her own head she feels the joy inside her threaten to burst out and fill the room, for this crown, unlike the bejewelled golden thing Guinevere wears, and she herself has worn, is not weighed down with jewels and responsibilities, no. Her crown is filled with joy and love and _Magic_.

And the man in front of her, who saved her in so many different ways, reaches down and takes her hand, and she stands with him, both of them smiling, eyes full of love. Then she is kissing him and it feels so wonderful, and so _right, _his lips pressed tenderly against hers, his hands on her back like he never wants to let go. And the hall bursts into applause and Guinevere and Arthur are smiling but she doesn't care because He is here and that's all that matters.

Her eyes are pressed shut, savouring the moment, but she can feel his magic rising to the surface, can feel his eyes flash gold under his closed lids. And though she can't see them, she can smell the sweet scent of the roses that are blooming and twisting their way around the hall, covering every surface in a coat of soft, shimmering red.

And she is held in his arms and that is all that matters because for the first time in her life, everything feels right.

She opens her eyes. But instead of the graceful feeling of the silken gown pressing against her skin, she can only feel the rough fabric of a tattered black dress. And instead of the luscious curls flowing down her back, all she can feel is the matted black locks hanging down her face. And instead of the wonderful feeling of his lips pressing softly against hers, all she can feel is the cold sharp reality of her knife pressed against his throat. And as she stares into his timeless blue eyes for what she knows will be the last time, she feels a single treacherous tear, slide slowly down her face.

**AN- So how was it? Was it good? Should I write more? Should I leave this fandom and never return? This is my first Merlin story so drop me a reveiw and tell me how it was. You know you want to! **


	2. Knife's Edge

**Knife's Edge**

So now She is faced with a choice. There are only two possible outcomes this time. Two possible resolutions to this impossible situation. Two different paths for them to take, leading them towards a new destiny.

And the choice all rests on the blade of a knife. One movement and it will all be over. One movement and the choice will be made. Such a difficult choice.

She either kills him. Or she doesn't.

Only one future can come true. Only one destiny can be followed.

And in a cold dark cave somewhere far away. Morgana makes her choice.


	3. Choices Part 1

**The Choice- Part 1**

_**AN- So due to popular demand I have decided to write both endings to this situation and then there will be a final chapter after that. You guys have been great with reviews and I love you for it. This chapter was incredibly difficult to write and I would love to know what you think of it. Did I manage to write it well? Was it what you were expecting?**_

_**So as always please review telling me what you think of this chapter and what you expect from the next one ( the one where she does kill him, and the effect that has on her). The next chapter will be called Choices part 2 and the one after that Reality. Make of that what you will...**_

_And instead of the wonderful feeling of his lips pressing softly against hers, all she can feel is the cold sharp reality of her knife pressed against his throat. And as she stares into his timeless blue eyes for what she knows will be the last time, she feels a single treacherous tear, slide slowly down her face…_

A single tear. That's all it took. One glistening drop of remorse, the last cry for a future that never was and that never could be. That single tear was enough to break down the walls in the hearts of both the warlock and the witch. To show them both what they had truly lost.

A single touch. That's all it took. One single touch, a soft hand caressing her face, wiping the single glistening tear from her cheek. That single touch spoke a thousand words, words of comfort, redemption, love and loss. And at the feeling of his hand on her face She finally let her walls come crashing down and felt a second tear slide down her face to join the first, leaving a glistening trail down her cheek.

There was a sharp clatter as the knife fell from her hand and landed onto the floor of the cavern below, lost among the crystals. She felt her legs weaken and threaten collapse. Staggering away from him she furiously wiped at her eyes, trying to take back the single moment of weakness. But she couldn't.

His eyes were fixed on her. Without the knife pressed to his throat he relaxed slightly and drew away from the wall he had been pressed against. He made as if to walk towards her but stopped mid movement as he realized what he was doing.

Two mortal enemies. Two shadows of what could have been. Where did they go from here? How could things ever be the same again?

"It wasn't real."

Her voice breaks the silence and the spell is broken with it. Reality seeps in, and they are both on their guard once again.

"It wasn't real."

She is trying to convince herself it's a trick. She is not succeeding.

"It _was_ real. But not anymore. It was just a shade Morgana. A shade of a future that you destroyed. It can never be like that again. Never. No matter how much I want it to be."

The last sentence is whispered so quietly that if they were anywhere else, it would be lost to anyone's ears but his own. But in the cave, the crystals seem to magnify the sound, as if they want her to hear, and she hears, and she knows. And she wants it too.

The green eyes stare into the blue and all the loss and pain that is felt is revealed in a single look. They both know it. They both understand. Two enemies standing but a few feet apart. Destined to fight, doomed to love. Where to go from here?

He is the first to break the eye contact and she could swear she could see a flash of gold light up his iris. But she knows it is just a trick of the light in this gloomy cave of forgotten dreams.

He walks, knowing that he must leave now. She remains frozen, so small and innocent looking standing in front of him, all her bitterness gone, replaced only by the crushing sadness of loss. And though it hurts him more than he will ever say he walks, away from her and the ghosts of what could have been, towards the entrance and the outside world. And as he walks away, he brushes past her, his hand lightly touches hers for just a fraction of a second.

And then he is gone, disappearing through the entrance of the cave into the rain and fog that linger in the outside world. For a second he is turned into a shadow, a ghost like figure shrouded in mist. And then he is gone and she is alone in the cave, surrounded only by the crystals.

She gazes at the place where he disappeared and grieves with all her heart for all that she has lost. All that she has thrown away. All that ever could have been. And then she looks at her hand.

And, though no-one would ever have believed it, for the first time in years, she laughs. A single, pure, joyful sound that echoes around the cavern, rebounding off the wall and filling the cave with happiness, a happiness she has not felt in her heart for far too long. In that moment everything is alright and she is truly, truly, happy, Because though she grieves for all that ever could he been, she wonders if maybe she will get her happy ending after all.

Clutched in her hand is a single blood red rose.


	4. Choices Part 2

Choices- Part 2

**So, after a slightly long wait, here is the promised chapter! I hope it lives up to expectations**

**Anyway this chapter starts at the exact same place as the last one did, but with one vital change. The rest is obvious. Please drop me a review and tell me what you thought of it. I know some of you didn't want me to write this alternate ending but it is kind of important to the final ending and I felt I needed to write a different conclusion, an opposite to the last one. And this is my first time writing character death so please tell me if it was done well, and if the emotions feel real or not. I think this is my most emotional chapter so far (I almost cried while writing it). **

**So yes drop me a review and tell me what you think. And what you think will be in the last chapter, considering it is called Reality...**

**Anyway, on with the story!**

_And instead of the wonderful feeling of his lips pressing softly against hers, all she can feel is the cold sharp reality of her knife pressed against his throat. And as she stares into his timeless blue eyes for what she knows will be the last time, she feels a single treacherous tear, slide slowly down her face…_

A single tear. That's all it took. A tear is a sign of weakness. And for Her, weakness is not an option. So she knows in her split second of weakness that she has to do it now, or all she has ever worked for could be lost. He is all that stands in the way of her and the throne. Her and victory. Her and her life's work. And no matter what could have been, she can't look back. She can't look at everything she lost. She has to look at what she can gain. And he is all that stands in the way of that. She has to do it. No matter how much it hurts…

A single movement. That's all it took. Her knife is already pressed to his throat. All it took was a single flick of the wrist. Simple. But it wasn't simple. Not for her. Because as she pressed harder onto the knife and made one single swift pull, all she could see was his blue, blue eyes, filled with the last betrayal, the last lost hope of what could have been. Because in the second after her moment of weakness, when his life was hanging on a rapidly breaking thread, they both knew that all that ever could have been was finally, truly lost. Lost into the darkness that consumed them. Replaced now by what never can be. Gone. Forever.

And then the moment was broken and reality came crashing down with the force of a tearing hurricane, destroying the future in its destructive wake. And she looks into those crystal blue eyes for the last time. Truly the last time. Because now it was too late to change her mind. Too late to regret. Too late to save him. Too late. Too late…

And she could have sworn his eyes burned gold for a split second before the light within them died. But she would never know because they closed forever, and he fell with a sense of heart-crushing finality, onto the cold, crystal floor. And lay still.

Colour seemed to seep back, into what seemed to her to be a previously colourless world. The blue of his eyes closing for the last time. The grey of the cold steel in her hand. The red of the blood. Red as the roses that had signified their future joined forever, red as the blood that ended it.

And the single tear, that single moment of weakness, still glistened on her face. And soon it was joined by another, and another, until her malice and hatred was washed out in a stream of bitter regret. For what she had done. For what she had lost. A loud clatter echoed round the cave as the knife fell from her grip and was lost among the crystals. She did not care. She fell to her knees and wept for in her bitter, twisted hatred she knew, she had finally succeeded in destroying the last of what could have been. All the happiness and joy and love she could have had, had just died with him at her feet.

She didn't know how long she wept on the floor of that cave of broken promises and lost dreams. All she knew was that she could not move, would not move, from his side. Her mortal enemy. She should be glad. But she wasn't. She never would be again.

And as if to mock her, the crystals haunted her with the colours she most wished to avoid. Blue. The blue of his eyes, like the clear morning sky. Blue the colour of the dress she had been wearing the first time he laid eyes on her, and though she didn't know it, the first time he though an angel could be living on earth. Blue, the colour of the dress she had been wearing at her wedding, the shade of a future that now never could come to pass.

Red, the colour of the Pendragons, her family, the colour she used to wish to claim. Red the colour of the dress she had been wearing at the first banquet he had seen her at, and when he had first come to love her from the depths of his heart. Red the colour of the roses that had bloomed, impossibly from the castle walls in a shade of what could have been, covering the hall in a blanket of love. Red the colour of the blood.

The crystals taunted her with the colours, and her sobs were the only sounds that echoed through the cavern now. She had won. She had a clear path to the throne of Camelot. She had removed the one thing stopping her from reaching her goal. Killed the one person who had stood in her way. And because of that she had lost. Everything.

When it seemed like years had passed, though it was not, she finally moved. An agonisingly slow, impossible movement. She lifted her head and surveyed his face for the last time. With one shaking hand she lifted her fingers and gently stroked his white, cold cheek, and in that one moment she conveyed all the love and loss and regret that was tearing her apart. And then she leant over and pressed her lips to his, for the first time. For the last time. Her lips were warm, and salty from her tears, but his lips were long dead and cold. Then her hand found his and she held it, gripped it as tightly as she had on the day that would never be, as though a repeat of the action could bring back what could have been.

As she clutched his hand she felt something smooth in his palm, and held on to it as she drew away. Then she stood up, gave him one last tear-filled look, and walked away. Out of the cave into the rain and reality of the outside world.

No-one knew what became of her after that fateful day. No-one knew of the events that had unfolded in the cave of crystal and no-one ever would. As if to conceal the final, tragic ending to a story of love, hate and magic, the cave sealed behind her, the birthplace of magic locking forever, with the most powerful magical being to have ever lived left inside it. The legends speak of the great warlock Merlin to have been trapped in the Crystal Cave for eternity. But the cave is not his prison, but his tomb. He rests forever, cold and silent, lying surrounded by crystals and magic, with the last taste of betrayal lingering on his lips.

And as for Morgana. She was never seen again. The throne that was hers to take never saw her sit upon it again. It remained solely with Arthur, until the day of his final battle. But that is another story.

Some say Morgana was killed in the fighting, though she was never seen to be there. Some say she is still out there, waiting. For what no-one knows. But the truth is she walked away from the cave on the fateful day, her tears mixing with the rain, and she never stopped walking. She walked to the end of her strength and then lay down and died. She did not die from a sword or a spell or of the unavoidable reach of time. She died from a broken heart.

And on that day, as she walked away from all that ever could have been she knew that she had just destroyed her last chance of her own happy ending. And there had been a chance. For one brief shining moment there had been a chance. But she had ended it with the cold steel of a knife. And she cried and wept and her heart broke into a thousand tiny pieces, lost in the wave of remorse.

Clutched in her hand is a single blood red rose.


	5. Reality

Reality

**Wow. So I've finally reached the end. I can't believe it. Thank you all so much, I couldn't have done it without you as this just started out as a random one-shot and you all inspired me to turn it into this. So really it's all down to you and it's only fair to say thank you very, very much.**

**And thank you especially to A fellow merlin fan, Morganaforever, Fiwen9430, Ann, Lilmissblonde, Meri ley, Mellimonii, La La Looney, TTP, JennaMastero, nyxisnight, Unicorn's Whisper, PJfan, tonightless, jaqtkd and BlackShadow23 for being great and reviewing. And a special thanks to jade2nightwing, SunnySmile13, ArodieltheElfofRohan, Rya Three Saber and Dawn ruthless for reviewing every chapter. You guys are the best. And also to every awesome person who favourited or alerted this story.**

**So, the last chapter. I actually feel a bit evil about writing this. Maybe I should go find a nice cave/hovel to live in with some red lipstick/eyeliner/green eyeshadow while I cackle/smirk evily. Or maybe not. But I do feel a bit evil. You'll see why soon. And also since it's the last chapter, it would be great if you would make me happy and review one last time. **

**Also I have just started writing a new Merlin story, The Hopes and Dreams, so feel free to check that out (ends shameless self advertising)**

**So without further ado, I present to you the last chapter of All That Ever Could Have Been. I couldn't have done it without you, and I hope it was worth it. - Cloud-dee**

Reality is a cruel thing. It creeps slowly into the world and removes all the could have beens, all the what if's, leaving only hard, cruel fact. It breaks down the worlds in which our minds live and forces us to see the truth. But reality is also a kind thing. It proves there is still good in the world, that some nightmares are only nightmares and that sometimes, there is hope.

For some people reality is cruel, for some it is kind. For the Warlock and the Witch, which will it be?

There are many possible futures. Endless possibilities all starting with a single change. But on that fateful day, when two mortal enemies were forced to make a choice, there are only two possible outcomes. One is a dream. The other is reality.

In one future there is hope. A single brilliant hope, that burns with a fire that can never be destroyed. In one future there is no more hate, no more pain. In that outcome, the future is bright once more. There is still a chance of a happy ending.

In the other future there is only sadness. When all the hate and pain and regret and betrayal are washed away in tears all that's left is sadness. In that outcome there is no hope. There is only pain and suffering and that last fire is destroyed forever. There is no chance of a happy ending.

Now here is the question. Which is the dream? And which is reality?

The crystals know. The crystals always know. They were the only things that witnessed the events of that day, that day when the future of everything hung on the blade of a knife and a single tear. That day when a choice was made and it changed everything. They know.

But crystals are devious. They do not tell the whole truth. Only glimpse, shades. We know this already. They showed the one vision that would force the Witch into a choice. And they foresaw the two outcomes it could bring. They knew what could happen. But only one outcome came to pass. This they knew too. They know what really happened that day.

Do you want to know?

The crystals know. But they won't tell you. Not yet. They contain a million secrets, a million possibilities, a million pasts and a million futures. But this is the day they chose to show. Because it is the most important of them all. Many beings of magic can use the crystals, can see glimpses of what they need to see. But no-one see everything. All that is. All that was. All that ever could have been. No-one sees. Except the crystals.

Will they tell you? Maybe. Maybe they will let go of that one great secret and tell you which future truly came to pass that day in the cave. Maybe they will tell you. Maybe not.

They won't tell you. But they will give you a clue. A last hint to discover if the future will bring hope or despair. Love or loss. A chance or nothing. A happy ending? They will give you a clue. A last puzzle to lead you to the truth. Which future is a dream. And which one is reality.

Are you ready? Ready for the final clue to learn if the Warlock and the Witch ever got their happy ending. Or if all was lost on the blade of a knife. The last clue. Are you ready. Here it is.

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It all ended with a single, blood red rose.

The end


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